Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters belong to Paramount and Pocket Books.

The story was inspired by DeltaStory, who said, that VOYAGER were been back on December 22, 2377, her wedding anniversary, and also (concerning a certain thing) by the photos of Kate Mulgrew’s arrival on 60th Anniversary of Stella Adler Studio of Acting:  http://www.inform.com/photo/1878174

Drawing by Kathryn J.

Rating: NC17

Genre: Romance

Beta Reading:  Elorie Alton and Joywriter *hugs*

More of Kathryn J (=KathrynJonVoy) incl. illustrated versions: http://www.newearth-jcparadise.de

Summary:  Two disappointed, saddened people meet in the turbo lift on Christmas Eve, 2377. Set post Endgame.


VAMB Secret Santa 2009



Kathryn J.

Christmas Eve, 2377

Christmas Eve, 2377. VOYAGER was back at home, right in time to celebrate Christmas on Earth. She was docked at McKinley Station, and all crewmembers had already checked out and were on their way home.

Kathryn exited the Holodeck, where she had relaxed, gathering strength for the upcoming debriefings and thinking of her very own and lonely future plans back on Earth. Some days ago she’d by chance overheard rumors, that Chakotay was dating Seven. This thought was breaking her heart, and destroying her very hope for a shared life with Chakotay being back on Earth.  Now she really needed some time alone.

After the first welcome party and visiting her family no one was waiting for her on Earth. Her mother was with her new spouse, attending a big Christmas party for former Starfleet officers from all over the Alpha Quadrant in San Francisco. Being a leading member of the organizing team of this important event Gretchen couldn’t back off to spend Christmas alone together with Kathryn.

Her sister Phoebe spent the time until New Year with her fiancée and her future parents-in-law; and even though Phoebe had stated that she would be very welcome, Kathryn had backed off.

She hated the thought of being the attraction of any party no matter where and with whom. She simply wanted to be alone.

Kathryn decided that to stay on board VOYAGER in her beloved quarters would be much better than in an abandoned house in Indiana.


Her quarters were her refuge over the last seven years, where she was happily humming, having relaxing dinners with Chakotay or buried in silence filled with grief while reproaching herself for stranding ship and crew in the Delta Quadrant.

Besides, to her VOYAGER had become like a vivid member of her crew and friend for her, someone that was hard for her to left behind.

The last few days had been very exhausting and she didn’t have any time for herself.

Kathryn planned to think undisturbed over all what had happened in the past seven years and especially in the last three days, and making plans for her future.

Perhaps she was going to read some of her personal logs preparing for the upcoming debriefings too.

At last she still had to pack all her items for transport to her new apartment in San Francisco or her home in Indiana.

But what Kathryn stubbornly refused to acknowledge was, that her quarters reminded her so much on her happy times with Chakotay, whom she loved deeply but never was allowed to admit or tell him.


The doors of the holodeck hissed close behind Kathryn, almost painfully breaking the deep silence of the now empty deck. She only wore her blue swimsuit and wrapped a large towel tightly around her shivering shoulders while heading to the turbo lift.  She tried to make as little noise as possible, so as not to wake up the sleeping VOYAGER. Despite her slow walk, the almost cautious steps were reflected by the walls, echoing through the corridor. Her eyes were locked on the former light grey, but now slightly soiled floor, suddenly noticing how much it was worn down by the years. ‘What a lot of stories could this carpet tell everyone, if someone would want to listen to it…’  The thought briefly crossed her mind, but as she finally reached the turbo lift it occurred to her that the trip had never been so long.


Chakotay left the transporter room, where he had said good bye to Seven who was leaving VOYAGER for her Aunt Irene. Seven had made clear to him several times during the last two days that settling down and raising children were inefficient and irrelevant ambitions for her, after she had discovered new challenges on Earth.

Chakotay though had always wished to have a family and children…

Desperately he tried to convince Seven again today. …but he also thought of Kathryn. He still loved her deeply knowing that Seven was a kind of replacement chosen under completely different circumstances, and that she never could fill his heart and soul like Kathryn still did. In certain aspects he was relieved, that Seven went away on her own.

He knew he was losing Kathryn by dating Seven, but he made this decision, because he didn’t want to live alone for the rest of his life in the Delta Quadrant.  Not wanting to hurt Kathryn, he hid his new relationship from her, always aware she would learn about it soon. Meanwhile, no doubt, she had overheard the whispers of the crew.

Ashamed and hating himself he tried desperately to avoid meeting her.  He felt ill, about what he had done to Kathryn; misusing her trust and throwing away their precious long-lasting friendship…

In the last few hours he had come to recognize that everything he had done was in vain and he wished that a lot of things had never happened.


And then…hell…he had this…dream last night.

He was in the turbo lift with Seven heading for the bridge.  The lift came to a sudden halt, and they were standing in darkness so solid that they couldn’t see each other.

He reached for Seven through the darkness, and after a few moments his hands touched warm soft skin. Chakotay pulled her close and kissed her tentatively, feeling the heat of her lips and the tingling response of his body.  Caressing her silken mouth with the tip of his tongue, he felt her slowly parting her lips to welcome him. 

Her warm hands slipped around his waist. He loosened her neatly up pinned hair imagining he could see his fingers sliding through the soft fair strands.

Seductively he stroked over her tight clothing feeling her beautiful curves, gently caressing her full breasts.  Seven moaned softly, feeding the flames of aching desire, which tightened his trousers.

Impatiently he freed her from her clothing, surprised that there were no more implants spread over her body. Yet not wanting to destroy this magic moment, he said nothing, tasting her mouth, her neck, and her breasts.  Her erected nipples pressed into his palms. Seven tilted her hips against his bulging pants and arched into his caressing hands with a groan. And suddenly it wasn’t enough to taste the softness of her nipples or to knead her firm breasts.

His throbbing member rubbed against her belly with every move, causing the need within to become almost unbearable.  He stroke lovingly over her curls and her swollen folds.  She cried softly as his fingers moved in small circles over her most sensitive spot over and over again. Feeling her hot dampness, a sparking wave shot through his chest to his groin. Roughly he grabbed her buttocks and slammed her against the wall. Pressing into her to hold her in place, he quickly took care of his own clothes.

Guiding his painfully rigid member, he gently pushed into her hot tight depths. She screamed in pain, squeezing her legs against him.  But he couldn’t stop. He was already near the edge… She dug her nails painfully into his neck, yet passionately she matched his thrusts. It was so long ago that he did… that he could… that almost he could…

He heard his own heart pounding in his ears and her sharp gasps, as she moved close to her climax.  Covered with sweat he shoved her up and down the wall, his innermost self filling with a white glow… ‘Oh… yes … yes..’ He heard his own voice huskily whispering in her hair… then with one last thrust he spilled his release into her, feeling her body shaking and her inner muscles tighten around him just in the moment as the lights in the turbo lift turned on again. Breathless and still joined with the woman he had made love to he opened his eyes …and looked straight into Kathryn’s moist dead face, her limbs hanging flaccidly in his arms.

With a startled scream he woke up, his bed drenched…and he was alone.  

“Computer, locate Captain Janeway!”

“Captain Janeway is in her quarters.” 

“Is she okay?” 

“Please restate the question.”

Rolling his eyes Chakotay took a second try, “how is her medical status?”

“All medical parameters are normal.” Sighing in relief Chakotay sank back on his bed trying to calm down.

He was afraid to fall asleep this night again.


The picture of Kathryn he had loved to death haunted him the whole day.


He arrived at the turbo lift breathing heavily, his heart still pounding from the memory of his dream.

A few seconds later the lift doors hissed open and Chakotay strode inside still staring at the light grey floor.

“Chakotay?” A dark female voice filled with concern welcomed him.

Chakotay looked up startled, and his gaze met a pair of very familiar sea-blue eyes right in front of him. His jaw dropped open to reply, but the words stuck in his throat like a lump. He could merely move his lips. Their eyes locked. The memory of his dream ran through his mind again. He felt the shame reddening his face and with great effort he turned his gaze downwards.

Suddenly he realized that Kathryn was wearing her blue swimsuit, the color not only matched her eyes but accentuated her beautiful curves. Her towel hung loose over her shoulder.  His gaze wandered slowly down over the apex between her thighs and her long slender legs. Chakotay couldn’t remember that he had ever seen Kathryn this seductive, and he felt the familiar tingling in his loins as he let his eyes slowly make their way back to her face.

“I thought I was the only one stayed behind on VOYAGER this Christmas Eve.”

“Indeed, I didn’t plan to be still here,” Chakotay replied shortly.

“Are you okay?” Kathryn laid her hand on his chest in concern, ‘like she had done so many times before’, Chakotay thought.

He forced his gaze back into her eyes. “No,” he honestly admitted without thinking and immediately realized that he had only invited her to question him further.  It was too late to take the word back.

“Want to talk to me?”


“So we have secrets now?” Kathryn frowned and her friendly gaze turned immediately into her well known Janeway death glare.

“Uh…no… but I think it’s not appropriate to talk about this to you.”

“I understand”, Kathryn uttered her voice hoarse with disappointment, frowning, I just found out, that I’m not the right one you were looking for all the years…” Her voice trailed off and she turned away from him, facing the wall now. “… but I wish you, that you’ll finally know the true meaning of peace being together with her,” she added her voice breaking. She drew the towel tightly around her.

Chakotay heard her irregular breathing well knowing, that she tried to hold back her tears. His heart constricted with pain. He really couldn’t let end their long-lasting friendship this way and for nothing. “Computer, halt the turbo lift,” he ordered firmly, finally getting his voice back.

“Kathryn…” He started shyly neither daring to touch her nor moving himself. “Can I still talk to you?”

She nodded slowly, but said nothing, not even turning back toward him.

“Do you remember?  I asked you to share your life with me on New Earth.”

“I do remember. But I couldn’t then still being engaged to Mark. I asked you to give me some time.”


“And I understood your reasoning, but after receiving your…letter…from him you pushed me away again.”


“I did, because I had to. I couldn’t have a relationship with a member of my crew.  As the captain, I was in charge of the whole ship.”


“I tried to understand you again, yet couldn’t fully agree with you.”


“I felt that.”


“Kathryn, I still love you more than anyone else. Nobody will ever be able to replace you in my heart. But I really didn’t want to remain alone for all the rest of my life not knowing whether and when we would be back home. I wanted to have a family and children…”


“I can’t blame you for that. I have had the same dreams before I got us stranded in the Delta Quadrant,” she replied lowering her head, her voice barely a whisper. “You deeply hurt me in not telling me the truth and not giving me a chance. Perhaps we could have found a way for us.”


“A chance… a way…for us?” Chakotay stared shocked in surprise at her back. “I didn’t know… I thought you didn’t want me any longer.”


“I never wanted to lose you, Chakotay. You were, are and will always be the love of my life. I couldn’t say this to you all the years on our way home. It would have made things more complicated for both of us.”


“Kathryn… I’m so sorry… Yet it turned out not to be the way you perhaps thought it was with Seven…”


He noticed that she caught her breath and slightly straightened her shoulders expecting him to continue.

Without moving he stared at the grey walls of the lift cabin. “Seven and I terminated our… uh…relationship… She already left VOYAGER for her aunt. …Kathryn, believe me…  I’ve never been intimate with Seven.  There were only a few dates…” He added barely audible.

He almost felt Kathryn’s relief. He imagined that she would close her eyes and take a few deep breaths smiling slightly. He knew her so well… Was he out of his mind? What was he about to do? How could he ever think about living without her?

“I… want to tell you too… I had a scary nightmare tonight.”

Now Kathryn curiously turned around, her eyes still a little reddened. “A nightmare?  I thought I’m the only one of us who has nightmares. “

“It was terrible…”

“What was it about?”

“We…you and I… had sex… here…in the turbo lift”. He felt his face redden. He decided not to mention Seven, because he didn’t want hurting Kathryn again.

“So… it was terrible…” Kathryn whispered somewhat disappointed. “Why?”

“It was… not this terrible… it was… it was completely dark, I couldn’t see anything; but when the lights went on again you were… dead… in my arms…” Chakotay replied softly.

Their eyes shyly met. For minutes they remained still, eyes locked.

“How was it? Was it worth dying for?” Kathryn finally asked curiously, lowering her gaze as her cheeks flushed pink.

He looked down to her bosom again, noticing the clear outlines of her full breasts and the soft traces of their nipples surrounded by small areolas. He remembered his dream and wondered how it would feel to make love to Kathryn. How it would feel to touch her bare skin, to kiss her deeply, to cover these beautiful breasts with his hands.  He always dreamt of it… His body went directly to Red Alert.

“Chakotay? HOW was it?” Kathryn dug deeper noticing his gaze, and then fixed her eyes on his bulging pants, as one of her famous lopsided grins formed on her face.

As Chakotay stayed stunned she added raising her chin, “Okay  that means I have to figure out myself?”

Chakotay looked up in disbelief, “Ka…” ‘What did she say?’

“Computer, lights off”, she ordered firmly before he could finish.

The turbo lift went dark like it was in his dream. He felt his desire growing without seeing or touching her, yet he was a little unsure about, what she was going to do.

Barely breathing he heard a slight rustle some steps away.  Suddenly a small hand gently grasped his arm searching for his hand.  His hand was taken and guided deeper into the darkness. He didn’t dare to move or breathe in anticipation.

Her second hand took his hand too, guiding it upwards. Hot breath stroke over its skin and soft lips pressed wet kisses into his palm and on the lower side of his arm. He needed all his effort to keep control.

“Kathryn…,” he whispered feeling shivers running through his body.

Then he felt her moving in the darkness taking his hand away from her face, guiding it again. Chakotay heard Kathryn catching her breath. His hackles were up. Finally his hand was laid on somewhat warm, soft… he felt a quickly hardening nipple under his palm… and gasped in surprise…. Spirits, Kathryn was naked, and he was cupping her breast!

His instantly growing arousal was almost painfully pinched by his trousers. He quickly loosened its fastener and the one of his boxers too, letting them drop onto the floor, and freed himself from his shirt.


He tentatively caressed her firm breast, gently squeezing the nipple and the soft mound surrounding it, wondering how it would look - more pale pink or light brown.

Kathryn moaned softly, arching into his hand, searching for him in the darkness. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her close, feeling the silk of her warm body touching his skin.


The tip of his member throbbed softly against her belly.  Now it was her turn to gasp in surprise.


First he felt her quivering fingertips tenderly stroking over his length, and then a warm hand was firmly laid around, gently squeezing and caressing it. His desire burned like a newborn star in his groin.


He bent down in the darkness searching for her lips, his mouth finally finding hers for their first kiss. 


It was not a shy first kiss. Their lips and tongues immediately met with overwhelming passion. It took all his control to keep from coming in her hand.  


Softly he pushed her fingers away, and turned her around, hugging her back to him.

While burying his face in her hair he whispered, “Spirits, Kathryn… how much I love you… I want you so bad...," longingly stroking over her silken skin, every second imagining how she would look in her aching desire and he tried to hold every moment deep in his heart, he had wanted her for so long.


One of his hands tenderly caressed her breasts, feeling her nipples tickling his fingers.

His other hand seductively wandered down over her hips and thighs to her curls. Sighing Kathryn threw her head back against his shoulder, while she tilted her buttocks against his erection in a challenge.


Her movements almost drove him into unconsciousness.


His searching fingers glided through thick moisture over her hot folds, finally finding the erected little bundle of nerves and drawing little firm circles over its tip.


Ahh, yes… Chakotay…”


He felt shivers running over Kathryn’s body causing him to moan into her ear as he pressed his arousal against her back. Her dark husky voice intoned his name in her unique sexy way, echoing in his heart and sending goose bumps over his whole body.


With one quick movement Kathryn slipped out of his grip and turned toward him. His throbbing member was first guided by her careful hand and then pressed by itself across her damp folds between her thighs.


Leaning into him, she pulled his head down for another passionate kiss. He felt her leg high circling his hip pulling him closer to her. Tilting her hips she rubbed her clit over his painfully hardened member, making him ache with glowing need.


“Chakotay, please…” her dark, hoarse voice begged in the darkness, her hot breath stroking over his neck.


Chakotay felt his knees weakening as he came close to his climax.


He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths struggling to calm himself, not knowing how long he would be able to resist.


Gently encircling her waist he lifted her close to his body, then laid her carefully down on the velvety carpet of the turbo lift floor.


Kneeling down in the darkness he felt her opening her legs to welcome him, causing an almost painful wave of white heat shooting into his loins.


He couldn’t believe that this hot woman spreading her legs to make love to him really was his Kathryn Janeway.


He had to make sure, that she was really here in his arms!


“Computer, lights to five percent!” He said huskily and it seemed as if starlight lightened the turbo lift.


“I’d like to see the woman I make love to for the first time.” He whispered grabbing for her towel and carefully shoving it under her head.


“I thought, maybe it was to see how I would die.” She replied dryly.


Their giggling turned into hoarse moans as he slowly lowered his body over hers, feeling the tip of his hardened member slightly pushing against her swollen folds.


“Kathryn, you are so beautiful.” He uttered, his eyes still roaming over her porcelain skin and her wonderful curves. ‘Her areoles are pale pink...’


Kathryn’s cheeks were reddened and her lips slightly parted to a seductive smile. Her auburn hair was messed up and surrounded her face like sun beams.


He bent down to take one of her inviting nipples into his mouth, sucking it, teasing it with his tongue and taking it between his teeth for gentle nips, while his free hand gently kneaded the other breast. Groaning, Kathryn writhed under his caresses, and he felt her whole body trembling with intense need.


Her arms came up reaching for him, and almost roughly she pulled him close to her. Her eyes glowed like charcoals in the dimmed light.


Kathryn longingly arched her hips against his body spreading her thighs wider, and suddenly his fully erected member was surrounded by her tight and hot inner walls. Chakotay heard Kathryn catching her breath at the very moment and he felt as if his world were turning around him. He could barely believe yet, what was going on here. But it felt so right. With a groan of lust he pushed gently forward into her.


A painful intake of breath awoke him from his trance. She stopped his movements as her thighs firmly hugged his hips and her nails dug into his back.


“Kathryn, did I hurt you?” Chakotay asked anxiously, instantly remembering his nightmare.


“Just a little”, she admitted breathlessly whispering. “It had been this long since…”


“I love you” he said simply, lovingly caressing her cheeks, and giving her time to relax again.


“I love you too. I had given up all my hope to get you back… that you ever would make love to me…” Her voice trailed off and tears welled into her eyes.


“Oh, Kathryn… I was such a fool. I’m so, so sorry.” He bent down and his lips tentatively touched hers, he pushed his tongue against her lower lip and opening her mouth she welcomed him, slowly closing her eyes. His free hand stroke through her silken hair, and then lovingly over her breast and belly down to her joined bodies, while they deepened the kiss.


She moaned softly under his sweet torture, weakening her grip around him. Her warm small hands tousled his black hair, caressed his face and his neck and gently kneaded the muscles of his chest and arms.


As he felt her inner walls relaxing, he cautiously moved inside her, slowly pushing deeper and deeper, feeding his almost unbearable need.


Kathryn matched his thrusts more and more, filling the cabin’s air with her soft cries of desire.


She grabbed his hips, guiding him to rub over her most sensitive spot, driving both of them crazy.

Kathryn’s breath was short and heavy, as their damp bodies clutched each other with every thrust, begging for release.


“Yes… yes… deeper…Chakotay…  now…  now“ He felt her body stiffen for a second as her inner muscles heavily tightened around him before little spasms rippled over his penis throwing him through vortices of lust beyond reality. With one last gorgeous thrust he spilled his hot semen into her secret depths crying out her name.


Covered with sweat they breathlessly sank down on the floor again, their bodies still joined.

In the afterglow he let his member softly throb against her inner walls and she replied by tightening them around him.


She smiled happily and hugged him firmly, her arms embracing his broad back.


“Well, it seems that I’m still alive – more than ever before.” Kathryn chuckled teasing him. “What about return to my quarters? I’m not sure whether I like to fall asleep in the turbo lift.”


Chakotay flashed his dimpled grin as he reached for their clothes with one hand but not moving his body.  “Let’s see if our computer is clever enough for this task!” Then he ordered, “Computer! Site to site transport for two persons onto the bed in the captain’s quarters.”


Indeed, they rematerialized on Kathryn’s bed. Giggling like schoolmates they pulled the blanket over them and Kathryn snuggled close to Chakotay.


“Would you mind spending Christmas with me home in Indiana?”


“Not only Christmas. If you want I would spend my entire life with you in Indiana or elsewhere.”  He gently guided her chin into a passionately kiss feeling her fingers seductively running over his bare skin arousing his desire anew.


“Yes, I want…” Kathryn whispered breathlessly as they broke their kiss for a second.




As B’Elanna came back to VOYAGER early on Christmas Day to pick up Miral’s star ship mobile she had forgotten being stressed-out the day before, she wondered what this abandoned, rumpled towel was doing in the turbo lift.



The End